Action News 7 Storm Tracker Team

Tonight at 5, 7, 9, and 11
Every other hour at 22 minutes past the hour
STORM TEAM!

Amanda, Jeff, and Todd
We give you the lowdown on what’s coming down

Our Doppler radar makes their Doppler radar look like string and tin cans
Our StormCam makes their StormCam look like cell phone video

You have to get to work
You have to get home
You need to know when Mother Nature has painted a target on your ass

Tornadoes and torrential rain
Hailstones and lightning
Volcanoes, earthquakes, and poison gas
AIRPLANES FALLING FROM THE SKY

We’ve got your back

Partly cloudy?
NOT INTERESTED
Chance of rain?
FUCK YOU

WE ARE THE STORM TEAM
MOTHERFUCKING AMANDA, JEFF, AND TODD

We laugh in the face of impending disaster
We give Mother Nature the shocker

We have the station’s logo embroidered on our polo shirts and windbreakers

We stand outside in hurricanes so you can SEE for YOURSELVES how HARD the WIND is BLOWING

We have Sundays off

UNLESS THERE IS A STORM

Crops will wither
Insects will swarm
Cities will fall
Mothers will eat their babies
Mountains will slide into the boiling seas and
THE AIR WILL BURN US ALIVE
THE PLANET WILL BE REDUCED TO A SMOKING CINDER FLOATING IN THE INFINITE EMPTINESS OF SPACE

And we will still be there
We will cover it all

Amanda, Jeff, and Todd

The Action News 7 Storm Tracker Team

Because you have to get to work
Because you have to get home
And we know when Mother Nature has painted a target on your ass